Kevin Healey

In today’s post there is a photo taken of Kevin on his 20th birthday, April 13th, just 11 days before he died. In looking at the photo Tom and I realized how sick he really was by that time. On his birthday he was able to get up and sit in a chair for about 45 minutes. He knew that hospice was coming to inform him of their plan to care for him, and he was incredibly sad. So were we. Still, on that day he was lucid and, as always, no matter what was going on in his life, he had that incredible smile on his face. This photo is the last one ever taken of him, and it took me a long time to work up the courage to have it developed and look at it. My beautiful boy. And now to my beautiful girl… Many people have asked to see a photo of Mary Kate from her 8th grade graduation, and so one is posted today as well.

Tom and I met with Jon Jarc to discuss his new website concept. Essentially it is our intention to close down this website after perhaps 1 more post (with a photo of Kevin’s headstone – so that will be in a few weeks at least). This story is not “all about us,” and the news about Kevin’s health is over. However, hundreds of people have asked us to keep the website going. Neither Tom nor I see a purpose for that, but Jon had an idea through which people (especially Kevin’s friends and others who are united through this story) can interact and stay connected. Kevin still has a Facebook page, and it still gets posts (including a recent one from Mary Kate), but I feel certain we will close that out soon as well. Mary Kate has a nickname for me in terms of my lack of sophistication in fashion, technology – just about everything going on in this century – and so I won’t even attempt to explain the new website. Jon Jarc will do that after this post.

Also, I want to make people aware that there are books and CDs, etc. on the discernment of spirits. When Kevin was first diagnosed some wonderful people gave me holy medals, water, etc. from places that aren’t officially sanctioned by the Church. I naively believed that, “if it seems good, it must be good.” For those interested, I would highly recommend Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s book entitled A Still, Small Voice (Ignatius Press, 1993), or, better yet, the CDs produced by Marytown’s Fr. John Grigus. He has a 3-part CD series set, the 2nd of which is entitled “Discerning Authenticity of Private Mystical Experiences.” I learned so much listening to these very interesting talks (I listened in the car…this information is fascinating). I believe a person can order through www.marytown.com. St. John of the Cross is one of, if not the, official Church authority on private mystical experiences, and if anyone is brave enough to attack his essays (it isn’t easy reading!), he would be a great source as well. I say these things out of love for those who may be following inauthentic (or occult) people and experiences. A good friend gave me the CD set and for that I am profoundly grateful.

So, thank you for your continued prayers to help ease these very difficult days and nights for us. If you have our e-mail addresses or home address, stay in touch with us and let us know what it going on in your lives. We care very much about all of you, so keep us up-to-date and let us help you if you ever need our support. And for those people who understand my (exactly like Kevin's) sense of humor -- keep those funny e-mail forwards coming. The laughs are just what the doctor ordered, so to speak. I'll send some your way to reciprocate. Love to all,

Ann

Now that two months have passed since Kevin died we can honestly say that dealing with Kevin's death only gets more difficult. At least for now, time isn't healing, but we are still so new to this grieving process and so raw emotionally. I would imagine any parent/sibling would feel the same way so this must be within the normal boundaries of the grieving process. We miss Kevin and the reality that we will never see him again has begun to hit us. What I wouldn't give to share an inside joke with him...just one more time...

Thankfully our next-door-neighbors generously offered their vacation home on the Outer Banks, and we took Mary Kate on a week-long get-away. The weather, the beach, the home, the seafood -- everything was great and we needed the break. Because Mary Kate will soon be flying to Seattle with my sister (who has a conference there), she will see the Pacific as well, and I can't remember a time when she saw both oceans in one summer. Tom and I are going to re-paint and re-decorate her bedroom while she travels in July,

In a few days we plan to meet with Jon Jarc to discuss his new website concept. I also have a few photos I want to post -- the last photo of Kevin (on his birthday just before he died - he has a "decent" 45 minutes that day and we snapped a beautiful shot of him holding his birthday cake), as well as a photo from Mary Kate's 8th grade graduation. This website will close soon, when Kevin's headstone is in place and we are able to post a photo of it for all to see. That seems to be the appropriate time to close the website.

This weekend my school is having its annual carnival, and I hope to see some of you there (shameless plug - and they don't even pay me for that!). I know that St. Bernadette School is already cooking up some service projects for the "Kevin's Krew" team and we hope to raise funds and awareness for a variety of worthwhile causes. (See the link to the newspaper article in the previous post).

The care and concern all of you showed during the years of Kevin's illness and the time of Kevin's death are sinking in and our love and gratitude grows. Acts of kindness that didn't sink in at the time because of the hectic nature of taking care of Kevin are now becoming more clear -- you have brought us closer to God because of your love and generosity.

More to follow soon - we hope that everyone who travels this summer is safe and that all who read this post know that they are loved and appreciated by this family of three. All of you continue to stun us with your beauty. Thank you for sharing a taste of heaven with us. You have no idea how much we needed you then and continue to need you now. God bless.

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

Now that it has been 6 weeks since Kevin's death we are adjusting to life as a family of three. Mary Kate misses her brother more than even we could have imagined. We glimpsed her dedication to a work of fiction she wrote for her English class. She dedicated the work to Kevin, and her eloquent words about how much she misses him and continues to rely on him took our breath away. Tom and I sobbed upon realizing the depth of her suffering. We are navigating a new family dynamic and will work hard to keep Mary Kate as happy and busy as possible this summer.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was an article in yesterday's "West Shore Sun" newspaper (click to read). With end-of-the-school-year work to do, I am behind on reading the newspaper, but thankfully someone brought me a copy. I would guess that the article is on-line and I know copies are still available for sale. It highlights a service club that my school, St. Bernadette, created the week of Kevin's death and in Kevin's memory. It has been a source of strength for me to see so many of our wonderful school children get involved in this service club, named "Kevin's Krew." Tee shirts are even being made and next year we plan to really plow through some big projects.

This will be one of the last posts to the website. The original intention of Jon Jarc, our webmaster, was to create a website to keep our phone from ringing off the hook - and to keep rumors about Kevin's health at bay. It was intended to be a source of news about Kevin's health status. Now that Kevin has passed away, there is no more "news" to report. Also, there are only so many times and ways in which we can talk about how difficult this experience has been and continues to be, how much we miss Kevin, and so on and so forth. However, Jon has designed a spin-off website and we will be meeting with him to discuss his concept. Please let all of your friends and relatives who might have stopped checking the website to check in soon because we hope to post information about that new concept in the near future. We also have some printed and audio material information we want to share about some fraudulent religious people and places. The things we have learned are meant to be shared.

Statues of saints and angels never really inspired me. They often depict these habitants of heaven in a manner too pious for me. Kevin brings God and heaven closer; he was a real young man with good and bad human traits. He had a messy room. He started his homework way too late at night and was impossible to wake in the mornings. His rector nailed it during his funeral homily when he said that Kevin was stubborn. And yet Kevin persisted through good times and bad to find his way to union with God. Tom spoke about the real Kevin at a graduation speech last night, and we hope his human qualities that were ultimately turned into his offering of himself to God will inspire others to keep plugging away at a life of holiness despite having imperfect human traits. Kevin's suffering brought him to God, a personal choice he made. Tom, Mary Kate and I are wildly imperfect and yet we know that with persistence heaven can await us, too. As Tom told his audience last night, "Go out and become saints." We can all do that. If our Kevin inspires that desire in you - we are grateful.

Finally, we are grateful for your love and support. You already know that but we can't say it enough. We'll pay it forward.

Look for information on the spin-off website soon. Thank you all. We love you and wish all good things for each and every one of you.

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

Kevin’s funeral was 3 weeks ago and the pain of remembering how much he suffered, how difficult it was to watch him die and how very difficult it was to leave his casket at the cemetery just overwhelms us. The reality of the past 2 ½ years and especially the past month has begun to settle into our very souls, and the pain is unfathomably deep.

Yesterday evening I went to Kevin’s grave site. I was hoping to find some peace and closure but seeing the big mound of dirt heaped upon his burial site was not a consoling sight. I was very sad; I couldn’t even cry. I just felt sick. I sat on my mother’s grave and placed my hand on Kevin’s very new grave and asked my mom to look out for the grandson she never knew in this life. I told Kevin that maybe it’s time to give me a sign that he is still with us and that he’s OK. Better than OK. Kevin knew that I wasn’t much of a “look for a sign” person – he knew that in order to reassure me it would have to be something really out of the ordinary.

After getting back in my car I was struck with the desire to visit the graves of my maternal grandparents (also buried at Holy Cross). My mother was an only child and they both died in 1963; I was a young child then and don’t remember much about them, only that they loved me. I remember visiting their grave sites when I was young but I think it was too difficult for my mother and so the visits stopped not too many years after their deaths. I haven’t visited their graves in over 40 years. In my child’s memory they were buried near 3 pine trees and a statue. I sensed that Kevin would help me find their graves and so I asked Kevin to guide me. I definitely didn’t think I would find their graves; at Holy Cross it would be like finding two needles in a haystack.

I drove for a few minutes, and felt compelled to park in a section that had no trees and no statue in the immediate vicinity. I walked about 30 feet directly from where I parked the car…and there were their graves. There is no logical explanation for how I found them, especially so quickly and also because the location of their graves goes against what I remember as a child. At their grave site I felt some comfort and asked them to look out for their great grandson, and I feel they already are doing just that. I am such a skeptic and I’m not using this as proof of anything. Dumb luck could have produced the same result. But still…I want to believe that the ease in which I found their graves was an indication that Kevin was with me. And so I hope. And so I continue to pray.

On a practical note, once again I feel compelled to say that many people who have helped us will go unacknowledged for a variety of reasons. Recent contributors to Kevin’s established account – I have no check records; please know that we are grateful. Thank you to Ed DeVenney for running the Rite Aid Marathon in Kevin’s memory and to all who supported his efforts. How about if I say thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone? You know we love you and are grateful.

We anticipate Mary Kate’s 8th grade graduation. She made the St. Ignatius marching band flag corps and begins practices and camps soon. She has travel plans, various camps, etc. and we hope she has a happy and busy summer. Thank God He gave us our wonderful daughter.

The continuation of the website allows us to ease into the finality of Kevin’s death and retains our connection with all of you. We’ll know when to close the website, but (at least I’m) not ready yet. We send our love.

Ann

Now that the busy days surrounding Kevin’s death, wake, funeral Mass and memorial Mass are over, the sense of loss is pervasive. We will likely be working with a pediatric hospice grief counselor in coming months. When I asked her if what I had learned in psychology classes was true…that the loss of a child is the most devastating experience anyone could experience…after a pause she said, “Nothing else even comes close.” Tom, Mary Kate and I are all back at school and work and that’s a good thing. Kevin was a “no excuses” guy who accomplished the impossible during his illness. We have to follow in his footsteps. God still has work for us to do on this earth, and it would not glorify Him (nor make Kevin happy) to just sit and brood. So, we move forward, but very much changed as individuals and as a family. In our own ways we miss Kevin so much it literally hurts. There is a tangible quality to this grieving process.

I am simply unable to personally acknowledge every person who has helped us during this 2-½ year journey without forgetting someone or misplacing thank you notes. Please accept our gratitude to all of the people who attended Kevin’s wake or either Mass, or who have sent contributions to his schools, or who have requested Masses for the repose of his soul, or who helped with the planning of the funeral/memorial Masses, etc. I could go on and on. Please know that every sympathy card, every post, every e-mail – any and everything anyone has done for us has not gone unnoticed nor unappreciated. More importantly, God has noticed and is pleased.

Thank you to everyone who has made a meal, given a gift card, planned/attended a fundraiser – again, I could go on and on. A very special thank you goes out to the Cleveland Clinic Department of Pediatric Hematology/Oncology and the Children’s (inpatient) Hospital. We know you miss Kevin and we thank you for being his second family for these past few years.

The process of sorting through Kevin’s things has been difficult and yet so necessary. His clothing has already been donated. I am looking for a place to donate his many textbooks. We kept things precious to us but so much of what he owned is now out in the world being used by other people; that’s exactly what Kevin would have wanted.

At Mass last Sunday I was having difficulty concentrating, and then the thought hit me that Kevin is literally with the same God whom we worship at Mass. All of a sudden I was more personally invested in the Mass and in my prayers than ever before. I still get mentally fatigued and distracted, but I have a different perspective on all things heavenly. Kevin is there. It all seems so much more real. Please pray for him and pray to him. I believe Kevin will spend his heaven doing work here on earth. In a bittersweet way it makes me happy to know that he can do infinitely more good in heaven, and, I am guessing, can be in many places helping many people at the same time.

Tom and I are in the process of having Kevin’s journal copyrighted and we have plans to write about this experience. The overwhelming majority of people in our lives have been so supportive and for that we send our love and gratitude, as always. It’s important to know that your role mattered. It made a difference. We’ll post again as it keeps us connected to all of you. We still need that connection. God bless –

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

Here are some additional words that people have shared about Kevin.

Specifically:
Funeral Mass Eulogy: Fr. Jim King, C.S.C.,
Rector of Sorin College
- Download PDF
Memorial Mass Homily: Fr. Jim King, C.S.C.
Rector of Sorin College
- Download PDF
Memorial Mass Eulogy: Javi Zubizereta '11,
friend of Kevin's from Sorin College
- Download PDF

For those of you who could not be at the memorial mass at Notre Dame, or at the funeral, here are the notes these friends shared. Feel free to pass them along to those friends who may be interested in reading.

Many people have been asking for additional copies of the mass program. Since we had a limited number of copies printed the day of the funeral mass, we decided to add it here as a PDF. If you or someone you know is looking for a copy, you can find it here for download (KH-Mass-Program.pdf 7mb).

Yesterday’s Memorial Mass at the University of Notre Dame was, like Kevin’s Cleveland funeral, a magnificent spiritual experience. Soon I will extend my formal expression of gratitude to those involved in this Mass. I will say that over the past few weeks there have been many heartbreaking experiences, beginning with witnessing the rapid decline of Kevin’s health and cognitive abilities near the end of his life. Other difficulties include experiencing Kevin’s death at his bedside. Planning his funeral. Seeing him in a casket. Doing laundry and finding his clothing mixed in (soon to be washed and donated). Receiving get-well cards for him after his death. Answering the phone and hearing the person on the other end ask for Kevin Healey. Leaving his casket at the cemetery.

All of these experiences (and so many more) were difficult beyond human description. But I think that his Mass at Notre Dame was the most difficult experience because it signified the death of Kevin’s future. No graduation. No law school. No potential marriage in the Sacred Heart Basilica (which was what Kevin eventually wanted, along with many children). None of these things will ever happen for Kevin. Kevin hated self-pity and so I promised him I will move forward as positively as possible. But as a human mother I felt these losses so acutely yesterday.

A bittersweet and poignant experience came at the end of Kevin’s memorial Mass. The current President of ND, Fr. John Jenkins, accompanied by the two remaining living Presidents Emeritus, Fr. “Monk” Malloy and Fr. Ted Hesburgh, came from the alter to offer their personal condolences. Watching the three of them hug and console Mary Kate was analogous to what Jill and Leon Uris described in their book about Ireland. It was a “terrible beauty.” What an historic moment Mary Kate experienced. And yet the experience came at the expense of her brother’s life.

On a more practical note, we can’t thank Kevin’s roommates and his rector for having his personal dorm things boxed and ready to be transported home. It made Tom’s job a little less painful.

Anyway, this website will remain open for a few more months, although we certainly won’t need to post as often. We do plan to post a few photos, especially in a few months when Kevin’s headstone is placed next to my mother’s. It gives me consolation to know that these two beloved people, one who brought me into the world and the other whom I brought into the world, rest their mortal remains together. Tom and I also need to share some insight we feel the Holy Spirit strongly wishes us to disclose about some “religious” places and people that many good Catholics have tried to share with us. We have learned that all that glitters isn’t necessarily gold, so to speak, and soon we will post what we have learned. Catholics – be careful. We felt compelled to visit Lourdes for a reason. The Church (for very good reasons) doesn’t approve some other people/places. We may lose a few friends over what we have learned about some of these alleged visionaries and apparition sites, but, again, the Holy Spirit really makes us feel compelled to share what we now know.

Finally, we hold you close in love, gratitude and prayer. We always will. We will check the website daily for any messages you might leave for us, and we will post a few more times as there is still a bit more to share. May God grant you joy today and always.

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

P.s. Here is the link to a story in the ND Observer about Kevin. Click Here to Read.

After cleaning out Kevin’s dorm room at Notre Dame, which will be an excruciating experience, we will be able to celebrate Kevin’s short life with a Memorial Mass at the Sacred Heart Basilica. The Mass will be held on Sunday, May 3rd at 4PM. Although for many people this would require a bit of a drive, if you can be there to help support us during this very difficult weekend, please do so. We would cherish your presence there as we say goodbye to Kevin’s beloved school.

For those people who didn’t see Kevin’s death notice in the Cleveland Plain Dealer, our family requested memorial donations to Kevin’s 3 schools. St. Angela Merici School’s “Guardian Angel” scholarship fund is at 20970 Lorain Road, Fairview Park, OH 44126. St. Ignatius High School’s Kevin Healey memorial scholarship fund is at 1911 West 30th Street, Cleveland, OH 44113. The University of Notre Dame scholarship fund (Kevin Healey ’11) is through the Development Dept., University of Notre Dame, 1100 Grace Hall, Notre Dame, IN 46556. To see Kevin’s death notice you can go to www.cleveland.com and check the “paid death notices.” Go to April 26th for the notice.

We received so many donations to these various scholarship funds at the funeral home. Many people stated on their envelopes that the money could go to the scholarship fund of the family’s choice. That being the case, we tried to divide the money fairly. I will say that I am not able to personally acknowledge the donations. They may or may not be acknowledged through the scholarship funds established in Kevin’s name. Rest assured that your donations went to help others. We also respected the wishes of individuals who wanted the donations to go to other places (i.e. cancer research). As impersonal as this message is, please consider this our heartfelt thank you for your donations in Kevin’s memory.

So many people asked for a copy of Fr. Weber’s funeral Mass homily. The link to his homily is listed here.

This weekend will be difficult on so many levels. We hope to see as many people as possible at Notre Dame on Sunday afternoon. May God continue to bless you for your love of our family. We truly love you.

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

We wish we could wrap our arms around each and every one of you, whether you were with us physically during these last few days of Kevin’s wake and funeral, or whether you were with us in spirit. Our faith in the goodness of people has grown exponentially these past 2 ½ years because of our experience with all of you. You have taught us that people are essentially so good. Our gratitude to you is endless and eternal.

The first day of Kevin’s wake brought us an 8-hour constant stream of walking saints to console us. The second day gave us 9 straight hours of your love. Thousands attended Kevin’s funeral. He was buried out of the parish church in which I teach (St. Bernadette in Westlake, OH). Our 26-year friendship with its Pastor, Fr. Weber, and its size and large parking facilities made Kevin’s funeral possible; our beautiful parish, St. Angela Merici, has a smaller church and less available parking. I laughed while we were planning Kevin’s funeral (believe it or not). While Kevin was a St. Angela student he ran cross-country, track and played football and basketball. Among the toughest sports rivals were the kids from…St. Bernadette! When I began teaching there 3 years ago Kevin was a bit dismayed. “Mom – St. Bernadette School? Don’t you remember how much we dreaded playing them?” So when Tom and I realized that this was going to be the option for his funeral Mass I knew he was looking down from heaven and saying, “MOM! You have got to be kidding me!” But it was a great feeling to be sharing an inside joke with him. In spirit I told him, “At least I didn’t have them dress you in a St. Bernadette football jersey!” Kevin and I shared a beautiful sense of humor. I will miss that so much.

The funeral Mass was as close to a heavenly experience as anyone could ever experience. Members of his high school men’s chorus sang angelic hymns. The church was packed to the rafters with mourners. The beauty of God’s presence through Kevin’s beloved Eucharist, the flowers, the homily, the reflection, the bag piping…just everything was perfect. No parent/sibling should ever have to bury a child. But God was there to console us, and so were all of you, whether in person or in spirit. So many, many people drove to the cemetery in the pouring rain (heavenly tears?) to help Kevin go to his final earthly resting place. More than one person commented to us that the funeral/cemetery experience was like a spiritual retreat. We thank the hundreds of you who shared lunch with us after the burial. We felt your love and we are so grateful.

There will be a memorial Mass at the University of Notre Dame this Sunday, May 3rd at 4PM in the Sacred Heart Basilica. If there is any way you can join us there, please know that we would cherish your presence. Tomorrow we will post some links to articles in Notre Dame’s daily newspaper, The Observer, as well as Kevin’s funeral Mass booklet. Click here to read the article in The Observer. Here is another link to an article about Kevin's life, and some people he has touched. Also in the ND Observer. Click here to read that essay.

Which leads me to…one of the comments Tom and I heard over and over again was that people want us to keep the website going. More than a hundred people asked me if I would consider publishing a book about our experience. Rest assured that we are all connected as the Communion of Saints here on earth and in heaven and this website will remain open for a little while longer (so do check). There are a few more experiences and insights we need to share. What is obvious is that people long for meaning in their lives. We do live in a junk-filled world in so many ways, don’t we? Kevin’s experience brought meaning to everyone’s lives. We have more to share for a little while longer, and so we will keep this website open for another few months, and then, if I find that there is the opportunity to publish insights about facing adversity with faith I will do so. Our faith in God continues to grow each day. God gave us a saint! We feel joy through our tears.

So, dear loved ones, please continue to check this website for a little while longer. There is so much more we need to share. Please scroll down and watch Kevin’s video. Continue to mourn with us and love us and we will be there for you as well. Words can’t convey our love and gratitude. Please take consolation in your part of Kevin’s journey through life and death, as well as your enormous role in helping us get our lives back on track these next few days, weeks and months. We love you intensely. Kevin will intercede for you now. Pray to him. He will amaze you. God bless.

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate