Kevin Healey

Well, this final post has been more difficult to write than we anticipated. First of all, Jon Jarc took this photo of Kevin’s headstone. We thought this final photo would provide closure to Kevin’s website. Incidentally, Jon went to Holy Cross Cemetery a few days ago to take the photo and couldn’t find Kevin’s grave. In the photo below (previous post) Kevin’s grave is shown but Jon didn’t know it…it’s the one with the autumn flowers on it. The location by the trees is peaceful and Jon caught the serenity of Kevin’s final resting place on film quite beautifully.



By now everyone has read and heard this before but we want to thank all of you for sharing in the life (and death) of our son these past few years. You were a part of a sad but beautiful story – a real story in every sense of the word. In whatever way you helped us, we thank you. God thanks you. We will be grateful forever.

We are moving forward but as changed people. We’ve lost our son and brother but gained a saint and intercessor. God gave us the most incredible gift and responsibility when He gave us Kevin to love, raise, educate and ultimately care for into eternity. Kevin was such a one-in-a-billion young man, and that makes his loss all the more painful. And yet to never have had him, to never have known him, to never have loved him…such would be the greater tragedy. We are grateful and humbled that God chose us to be his earthly family.

People have asked for theological/philosophical insight (especially from Tom, the expert). We’ve taken this request seriously and sometime when we have our strength and concentration back we will begin some posts on Kevin’s spin-off website, www.kevinhealey.com/wp/. For those interested, check the spin-off website every now and then. Tom is an amazing resource and he does feel the need to repay all of you and glorify God, so when he is ready he will most likely begin writing using that venue, at least initially.

This current website will close in the sense that soon there will be no further interaction (posts in the “Talk to Me" section, which we will miss). Kevin’s story, at least on this earth, ended 6 months ago and it’s time for his website to end as well. People will always be able to access it and the Archives because the story and its messages have helped people in similar circumstances. We are happy to historically document Kevin’s story to benefit others.

Caring people that you are, you already have a sense of how we feel. We are allowing God to heal us on His time frame and in His manner. Our faith in God remains intact. We have our moments, but our general outlook is not that of bitterness but of gratitude. Our mourning continues and will for quite some time and I don’t want to underestimate that, but God provided for us. He now holds Kevin so close to His Sacred Heart. We believe and have hope. We wish to serve God all the days of our lives as our energy gradually returns. We will be there for you as we are able. We hold you close in our hearts. As the traditional Gaelic blessing says,

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
The rains fall soft upon your fields, and until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
God bless and love always,


Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

Proud mother, father and sister of Kevin Healey 4-13-89 to 4-24-09

Much to our surprise, Kevin's headstone was installed sometime late this week. When we saw it (we go to the cemetery separately so Tom saw it first) it kind of shocked us. The finality sinks in more deeply every day. That being said, the headstone is beautiful and it is our last tangible gift to Kevin. We hope he approves from his heavenly vantage point.

Tom designed the headstone. He wanted the quotation to read, "Love Thee, Notre Dame" because Kevin died while a student at Notre Dame -- and -- because Kevin did have a love of Our Lady. That being the case, we added the etching of Our Lady of Lourdes on the headstone. Our Lady of Lourdes graces the Grotto at Notre Dame, and we made the unforgettable trip to Lourdes, France 15 months ago. Somehow it seemed to be an appropriate quote and design.

Anyway, we didn't have a camera with us and the installation left the headstone a bit muddy so we will have to go and clean and take a photo ASAP. For the many people who have asked where Kevin's grave is located -- he is buried at Holy Cross Cemetery in Cleveland. His grave is in section 35, lot 1942, grave 2. He is buried next to my mother, who died in 1981.

We will have some final thoughts when we post the photo. Thank you for all of your continued prayers and support. We rely on them. We will post our last edition soon. God bless,

Ann

A friend in California forwarded me a copy of an article about Kevin's rector in Sorin College (dorm) at Notre Dame. In the article Fr. Jim King talks about Kevin and how the men or Sorin displayed their solidarity at Kevin's Memorial Mass on campus last May. A link to the article is at the end of this post.

We continue to hear stories from near and far about how Kevin's life and death have affected people in profound ways. As a mother I take comfort in knowing that his life had meaning, and that even his illness and death had meaning. Our loss lingers and will for the rest of our lives, but we trust and pray that Kevin is in heaven doing great things as God allows him to do so.

Here is a link to the article. Thanks and God bless -- Ann
Click to read the Observer Article

Dear Friends,

I’m posting today because we were notified that there will be a delay with Kevin’s headstone and so our “last post” won’t be happening as soon as we anticipated. Tom and I get a lot of questions about why we don’t post more often. Sadly, the news about Kevin is over. Also, grieving a child is much more difficult than anyone could ever describe. Bereaved parents lose a huge part of themselves and their future when they bury a child. It’s not in our nature to try to bring everyone else down with us, and our descent has been difficult. Not posting very often protects all of you from this horrible grieving process. We could write a book about how this experience feels like a descent into hell, but we truly believe in the cross of Christ, and we try to cling tightly to that cross as we face each day. We are doing our best. We painfully miss Kevin and pray that he is in God’s loving arms for all eternity.

On a brighter note, Mary Kate will be one of the many members of the St. Ignatius marching band profiled on "Fox 8 in the Morning" this Friday, August 28th. She is in the flag corps and the entire band will be filmed during different segments of the show, which will air from 6AM-9AM on Cleveland's Fox 8. I plan to tape it and I hope many will tape or TIVO it if you can’t watch it live. She is the tiniest girl in the flag corps with a long honey blonde pony-tail so you can’t miss her. She loves high school and we are truly so fortunate that God blessed us with a second child. She is the light of our lives and we believe that her brother looks out for her from a very high vantage point.

All of us are back to school/work and, like I said, are doing our best. We continue to be profoundly grateful for the graces all of you have given us for nearly 3 years now. When our faith seems faint, we remember all of you and we bounce back up again. Never underestimate your influence in our lives. We hope that our paths cross with all of you again very soon. God bless, and we will post a photo of Kevin’s headstone (a bit later than we anticipated). With our love –

Ann, Tom and Mary Kate

Today was difficult because Tom and I went to order Kevin's headstone. We see college kids in stores buying things they need for the dorm or apartment, and we find ourselves in a monument store purchasing a headstone. Some back-to-school shopping.

Anyway, the headstone is projected to take about 8 weeks to make (which surprised us considering how simple it is), and another 2 weeks or so for the cemetery to place it. We will post again in the fall when the headstone is settled into place. That will be the last post to this website.

Tom and I took a comment posted on Kevin's other website (Jon Jarc's creation; see previous posts for the website address) very seriously. It amazes us to know how much Kevin's story affected the faith of so many people. Tom is considering sponsoring a website with theological insight for Catholics (like us!) who were ill-educated or misinformed during our faith formation. God seems to be giving us a new direction, and if we can we will humbly answer His call. We will discuss all of this with Jon after we all get settled back into a routine with a new school year right around the corner. We may turn Kevin's spin-off website into a slightly different forum. There seems to be a need. We just didn't want to keep Kevin's website, per se, going -- with us (especially me) writing on and on about theological insight when the intention of the website was really all about the status of Kevin's health. Sponsoring this new website would be a great way to "pay it forward," and it would be our pleasure to do this for those who would find it helpful in their daily lives.

People ask how we are doing and all I can say is that we are trying our best to get through each day. Personally, I crave privacy in order to process the past 2 1/2 years. I apologize for being out of touch with many of you -- that won't change for awhile -- this is much more difficult than any of us could have anticipated. Tom and Mary Kate are much more brave than I am and if you have to deal with me on any level, I almost want to apologize for being out-of-sorts. Grieving takes on a visceral and physical sensation, and I wish I could offer more right now.

All of your prayers and love have gotten us this far. We continue to pray for you each day and will never stop doing so. Weak from fighting and grieving but with a burning love of God and for all of you we remain brothers and sisters in Christ. We will post when the headstone rests atop Kevin's grave. God bless.

Ann & Tom

Thankfully Jon Jarc took care of this problem when I contacted him last night.  After a particularly difficult day yesterday, I checked Kevin's website before I went to bed; sometimes I just like to see his face smiling back at me and sometimes people still post.  In the place of Kevin's website the most horrible, obscene "hacked" website took its place.  A Dutch hacker had gotten a hold of Kevin's website and spewed out filth it its place.  For me, it was acid poured into an already painful wound.  Anyway, Jon took care of it and if you happened to go to Kevin's website yesterday, I am so sorry that you had to encounter that obscenity.

I went to Kevin's grave yesterday and it looks like it won't be long before grass can be planted and we can order his headstone.  We plan to have the headstone match my mother's (as Kevin's grave is next to hers), and we will post that photo when it is in place.

I like the fact that many of you are praying to Kevin.  All of you prayed for him and now I am convinced that he is spending his heaven helping others as God allows him to do so.  I need to ask you  to pray for Tom and me during the weekend of  August 21-23 when the kids return to ND.  That will be an especially difficult time for us.  Please know that we haven't stopped praying for all of you.  On a recent trip I lit a candle for all of your intentions, something I will do for the rest of my life.  Your intentions remain in my daily rosary.

Anyway, even though in my wildest dreams I wouldn't have anticipated pornographic garbage taking the place of Kevin's website, and I certainly wasn't responsible for it, I apologize to anyone who saw/heard this garbage.  And thanks to Jon for cleaning it up late last night.  God bless all of you; we continue to send our love.

Ann

As you can see from the previous post by Jon Jarc, the conceptual website Jon designed is up and running. This website was made at the request of many people who didn't want to lose touch with their mutual connections via Kevin's story. Tom and I will not be posting on the new website. This present website will continue to be here but most likely with no more posts until Kevin's headstone is in place. Then it will be permanently archived, meaning that all of the postings and photos, videos, links, etc. will remain, but that no one will be able to click on to post a message.

I won't even pretend to know how this new website works! Mary Kate is laughing at my inability to understand all but the most rudimentary elements of technology. I certainly hope it fills the request of the people who asked for a connection with this story, and I hope it helps others going through adversity. Right now the three of us need to separate ourselves from the events of the past 2 1/2 years and so we are publicly stepping out of the story, so to speak, while we privately grieve.

We thank Jon Jarc for all of his work over these past few years, and especially now as he begins to manage a new endeavor in Kevin's memory and for the benefit of those who find comfort in it.

May God abundantly bless you today and all the days of your life.

Ann

Sometimes, perspective is the greatest gift you can offer in a time of sadness and grief. In many varied ways, Kevin and his family have deeply touched our lives. To help each other put our suffering in perspective, we are asking for you to please share your thoughts, and read the thoughts of others on how they were touched by the Healey’s journey. The new 'spin-off' website that Ann had mentioned previously is up and running - and is waiting for entries. You can find it here: www.kevinhealey.com/wp.

If you have learned something big use the link at the top of the page to submit your own thoughts…or if what you have learned is a quick thought, you can also share those. Look for the form on the right column for a simple quick entry. If you have written, photographed, or otherwise reflected on what Kevin has meant to you, please share it here. Photos, images, writings, graphics…send them all in, we will share them on our new site.

We all (myself and the Healey’s) felt that it is time for the community of friends to share their own thoughts and memories about Kevin. Now that you have heard their story, we want to hear and see yours - and let your thoughts continue Kevin's legacy. Please take some time to share with us. Upload a photo, share a story, memory, or a reflection on how Kevin and his journey influenced your life. Soon this website as we know it will be archived...and all new content will be directed to our new venture.

Looking forward to reading…and thank you.www.kevinhealey.com/wp.

Jon Jarc

Just when I say that there will be no more posts for awhile...I guess I just had one bubbling inside waiting to be read. Tom and I went to the funeral of a long-time and dear friend last week. The cantor, who ironically is a friend of ours, beautifully sang the song from 1972’s "The Man of La Mancha" entitled “The Impossible Dream.” The lyrics were appropriately chosen for our friend, and the song stuck in my head for a few days. I watched the Andy Williams version on You Tube and realized how those lyrics are so appropriate for Kevin as well. Kevin did the impossible by going off to college – out of state – battling an incurable cancer, displaying courage beyond his years. All the while making friends and without complaint. The last verse about the "one man, scorned and covered with scars"…that’s Christ. That was Kevin, too. To say that I’ve shed a few tears over this is quite an understatement. I wanted to post the lyrics because I don’t want Kevin’s life to have been lived in vain. I don’t want his courage to be gradually forgotten. The lyrics of this song apply to each and every one of us. Kevin lived them. I hope his unfathomable courage inspires each of us to live a courageous and unselfish life. Beginning with me.

Rest in peace my dear son. You earned your reward with blazing glory.


The lyrics are as follows:
"The Impossible Dream"
Music by Mitch Leigh and Lyrics by Joe Darion 1972

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star


God bless,

Ann

In today’s post there is a photo taken of Kevin on his 20th birthday, April 13th, just 11 days before he died. In looking at the photo Tom and I realized how sick he really was by that time. On his birthday he was able to get up and sit in a chair for about 45 minutes. He knew that hospice was coming to inform him of their plan to care for him, and he was incredibly sad. So were we. Still, on that day he was lucid and, as always, no matter what was going on in his life, he had that incredible smile on his face. This photo is the last one ever taken of him, and it took me a long time to work up the courage to have it developed and look at it. My beautiful boy. And now to my beautiful girl… Many people have asked to see a photo of Mary Kate from her 8th grade graduation, and so one is posted today as well.

Tom and I met with Jon Jarc to discuss his new website concept. Essentially it is our intention to close down this website after perhaps 1 more post (with a photo of Kevin’s headstone – so that will be in a few weeks at least). This story is not “all about us,” and the news about Kevin’s health is over. However, hundreds of people have asked us to keep the website going. Neither Tom nor I see a purpose for that, but Jon had an idea through which people (especially Kevin’s friends and others who are united through this story) can interact and stay connected. Kevin still has a Facebook page, and it still gets posts (including a recent one from Mary Kate), but I feel certain we will close that out soon as well. Mary Kate has a nickname for me in terms of my lack of sophistication in fashion, technology – just about everything going on in this century – and so I won’t even attempt to explain the new website. Jon Jarc will do that after this post.

Also, I want to make people aware that there are books and CDs, etc. on the discernment of spirits. When Kevin was first diagnosed some wonderful people gave me holy medals, water, etc. from places that aren’t officially sanctioned by the Church. I naively believed that, “if it seems good, it must be good.” For those interested, I would highly recommend Fr. Benedict Groeschel’s book entitled A Still, Small Voice (Ignatius Press, 1993), or, better yet, the CDs produced by Marytown’s Fr. John Grigus. He has a 3-part CD series set, the 2nd of which is entitled “Discerning Authenticity of Private Mystical Experiences.” I learned so much listening to these very interesting talks (I listened in the car…this information is fascinating). I believe a person can order through www.marytown.com. St. John of the Cross is one of, if not the, official Church authority on private mystical experiences, and if anyone is brave enough to attack his essays (it isn’t easy reading!), he would be a great source as well. I say these things out of love for those who may be following inauthentic (or occult) people and experiences. A good friend gave me the CD set and for that I am profoundly grateful.

So, thank you for your continued prayers to help ease these very difficult days and nights for us. If you have our e-mail addresses or home address, stay in touch with us and let us know what it going on in your lives. We care very much about all of you, so keep us up-to-date and let us help you if you ever need our support. And for those people who understand my (exactly like Kevin's) sense of humor -- keep those funny e-mail forwards coming. The laughs are just what the doctor ordered, so to speak. I'll send some your way to reciprocate. Love to all,

Ann